Wake up. Stagger groggily into the bathroom. Peer at your reflection in the mirror. Look away.

Feel your gut clench anxiously as you strip off the clothes, hoping to strip off the weight with them. Step on the scale, dreading the numbers, but still dying to know if they’ve changed. Watch the red LED lines arrange themselves into pounds of blubber, your faults spelled out in digital for all to see. Look away as it finishes adding up your sins. Force yourself to look back.

112 pounds. Still not good enough.

Dress and trudge into the kitchen, where breakfast is being cooked. Watch the steaming, aromatic plates of food being set on the table. Feel your stomach contract, with hunger this time, as your mouth bursts into action and forces you to swallow what feels like gallons of saliva. Claim that you aren’t hungry. No, nothing’s wrong. Yes, you feel fine. Smile. Make it look real. Are they buying it? No? Assure them that you’ll eat later. Good. Everything’s fine now.

Distract yourself from food by watching television. Look at those beautiful, waifish actresses. Their lives must be perfect. How could anyone that thin have problems? Head to the bathroom to weigh yourself again.

112 pounds.

Has everyone left the house? Make a sandwich and throw it away, hiding it beneath the layers of garbage in the bin. Make sure that the dirty dishes left from preparing the food stay in the sink, irrefutable evidence that you ate something. Drink a bottle of water to keep your stomach from making all that noise.

Haven’t exercised yet today, have you? Change into workout clothes and head for the treadmill. Put on your playlist of thinspirational songs and start running.
Run.
Run.
Run.
Don’t stop until you nearly collapse. You’re dripping with perspiration. That’s the fat melting out. Take a shower and look at all the flab you still have to lose. You’ll just have to try harder, won’t you? Dry off and weigh yourself.

112  pounds.

You’re hungry? Well, you certainly can’t eat anything if you want to be beautiful like the Olsen Twins. Go to the kitchen and chew on some ice. Water has no calories. Glance at the bag of chips sitting on the counter. Struggle mentally with yourself. Finally give in and reach for the bag--No! You want to be thin, don’t you? You want to have friends, don‘t you? You want to be loved, don’t you? You want to be perfect, don’t you?

Leave the kitchen. Isolate yourself in your bedroom and surf the internet to keep your mind from the gnawing hunger. Listen to more music and go through your folders upon folders of pictures of perfect sylphs. Feel inspired and motivated to try even harder to reach your goals. Check up on your favorite celebrities’ stats online. Nicole Richie is down to 89 pounds. If she can do it, then so can you. Try to resist the siren song of the scale. Fail and find yourself standing on it yet again.

112 pounds.

You’re not good enough. You’re never good enough. What’s wrong with you? Try harder. Try harder. Try harder.

Eat less, weigh less, fail less, feel less.